Regret

11/29/2011

48 Comments

If you regret having your son(s) circumcised, please post reasons why in the comment section below.

48 Comments

Lindsay

12/30/2011 02:40:19 pm

Link to my letter http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150159729169589

Ashley

1/26/2012 07:54:12 am

I guess not many parents regret this...

Sarah

1/26/2012 08:20:23 am

You are so unbelievably wrong :( There is a large FB group that regret it. There are support groups across the country for parents who have educated themselves and regret what they did to their perfect little baby boys.
I regretted it as soon as I got educated. I regretted it more when I saw my son having troubles with his penis. I regretted it the most when I had to watch him wheeled away at 5yrs old to be put under general anesthesia to fix what had been poorly done to him.
I regret it. I regret it. I regret it.
I because you aren't looking in the right place, just because some parents aren't as vocal about the regret they feel about cutting up their hours-old perfect baby boys, doesn't mean that there aren't thousands of us out there.

Devin link

1/27/2012 04:06:33 am

Ditto!! I have serious regret concerning this. My son has a half y and I only HOPE & PRAY to skip the "fix it" part. I ask my boy all the time if everything is OK down there. It's just as uncomfy for him as me only I carry the burden of knowing I was the undereducated adult that let that happen. Regret is an understatement! If it isn't necessary, don't bother it PERIOD.

Stormie

1/26/2012 10:40:48 am

I regret it,and here is why. It put my little boys through so much pain with no real reason. It's a horrible thing to put a little boy through. My little man 9 months old is happily intact. I will apologize to my boys when they are older for the pain I caused them.

Mary Lanser

1/26/2012 11:59:09 am

Plenty of moms regret getting their son circumcised. I have held that regret for 32 years! I was not informed, a nurse lied to me, and my husband had bullied me into consenting. I knew it was wrong, my mama bear instincts told me so, but I was weak and failed to protect my son to avoid any more conflict. What a terrible excuse! I dumped that man a couple of years later, but my son? Well he will be scarred for life.

Stephanie

1/26/2012 12:43:31 pm

I regret is whole-heartedly! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdCq44_nKVg

AMB link

1/26/2012 12:54:03 pm

I'll bet a bunch of these ladies are regretting it.
www.circumcisioninsanity.com
http://www.circumcisioninsanity.blogspot.com/

Christina

2/4/2012 04:27:31 am

I regret it a lot. I have 3 sons that are circ'd and I have regrets daily about it. It was before I was enlightened, no one makes public the dangers of it, and the benefits of keeping men intact. Back then I wasn't on the internet, I was young, and family influenced me. Lived in my little ignorant bubble thinking everyone did it. Stupid. :( It's heartbreaking. I can't believe I did that to my boys. I wish I had known then what I know now, they would still be whole.

DrMomma link

1/26/2012 08:13:21 am

There are so many parents who regret this decision. Those who desperately wish they could go back and change their mind, ignore the myths being pushed on them, or listen to their instincts. I meet with these parents regularly - my heart is broken for them, and also restored when I see the powerful movements they are making. Here are many of their stories: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/05/i-circumcised-my-son-healing-from.html If you would like to add yours to this collection, we welcome the addition. It is always good to hear new voices, and listen to what parents have to say.

Mummy

1/26/2012 08:15:13 am

My husband regrets circumcising his first son very much. Hes sad that hes taken away his sons right to make his own choice and my step son has had many infections. He came to us one day and asked the reason we circumcised him. Talk about guilt :( and to add my husband wishes he was intact also

karen goldis

1/26/2012 08:22:20 am

I am fortunate in that I knew not to circ my boys 27 years ago. My mom, 95 years old still recalls the horror of my brother's circumcisions. As a Jewish woman in the 1940's, she had no knowledge or choice, but learned in the 80's from Dr. Dean Edell. She is grateful I do not have to live with the memories she has.

Valkyrie

1/26/2012 08:22:25 am

I absolutely, positively regret having my firstborn circumcised. He almost died from the staph infection he got from the circumcision. That is one of the REAL risks of circumcision. Circumcision is presented as something with zero inherent risk, and that is simply not true. Next two sons were not circumcised and neither has ever had a single problem from just leaving them alone, the way they were born. The foreskin serves a purpose. It is not a birth defect that needs to be fixed. Why take the risk for something so unnecessary?

Jason

1/26/2012 08:24:30 am

Well I don't have a son, but I certainly resent that this was done to me. If I ever do have a son, I intend to be the better man and not mutilate him.

Grace

1/26/2012 08:33:55 am

I'm pretty sure if my daughter had been born a boy, she would've been circumcised, because of my husband's wishes. And that scares me to death that I considered something like that without knowing everything first! Thank God she was born a girl! I was relieved that I didn't have to make that decision yet. I was well prepared though when I had a boy the next time around. Knowledge is power. We were able to confidently say NO to circumcision!

Anna

1/26/2012 08:43:53 am

I regret circumcision my son for multiple reasons.I didn't realize the dangers of death, many being done improperly affecting the penis, and simply it being completely not needed

Brittany

1/26/2012 08:46:09 am

I most-definitely regret circumcising my son. His circumcision went well and he recovered from it quickly BUT it was unnecessary and I see that now. He was perfect the way he was and there was no need to have his foreskin removed. All the reasons I had for choosing circumcision for him seem unimportant now and had he really wanted it later he could've chosen that for himself. All the reasons listed as reasons why to circ a boy are the same ones they cite for circing baby girls(!) which is now illegal so why is it still ok for boy? I have found sites upon sites of not only moms regretting the choice they made to circ their son but also on men who wish they weren't circ'ed and resent their parents for making a decision regarding their genitals for them. It makes me so sad that I made that decision for my son now and I plan on being honest with him when he is older and I hope he won't resent me for the decision I made. I am so glad I found the truth on circumcision I am just so disappointed that I didn't find it until after I had already made the irreversible mistake of having my baby boy circumcised.

Katie link

1/26/2012 09:02:31 am

I regret it 100%. Every decision I made for my children I researched 110%, except this one. :( Now my 9 month old has had his penis try to heal itself, which means he will most likely need to be re-circumcised, and that could take to much skin. It's ridiculous that this is routine, when it's a vital peice of skin that should remain on a little boys body.

Zen

1/26/2012 10:08:30 am

I had my now 14 year old and 7 year old circumcised at birth because I let their dad (now my ex) decide. He just decided because he was circumcised that his sons should be. He never bothered to research it and neither did I since I left it up to him. I regret not giving either of them the choice. Circumcision is an elective cosmetic surgery. I had no right to consent for them. I am writing them each a letter for them to open when they're adults and will better understand my apology to them and their future partners.

Elisabeth

1/26/2012 10:37:00 am

Can I post on behalf of my mother? She told me that if she had had ANY idea what they were going to do to him (my dad is intact, the hospital told her this was "standard"... my brother was born in 1968) she would have never agreed to it.

My 3 boys were spared the pain and horror of circ... I left them just as perfect as God made them!

My soon to be son-in-law suffers from pain from a botched circ, but his mother doesn't seem to understand even now what she did to him. We've had frank talks about it, though, and he and my daughter both agree that any sons will NOT be surgically altered!!!

Lauren

1/26/2012 10:39:38 am

I do..........EVERY day I do :( I would give anything to take it back. The positive thing is now I'm proud to say I'm an intactivist, and we plan on getting pregnant again this summer, we hope for another boy, and he will stay perfect and WHOLE.

Rose

1/26/2012 10:43:42 am

Very much so regret it! Sadly it took our son having a botched circ for us to really research and learn about circumcision; until that point I had always thought it was "cleaner" and well, it was just what you do - I come from a long line of circumcized men. I wish I had known 10 years ago what I know now! This is why spreading the information around is soo important if even 1 person had said, "maybe you shouldn't, this is why" all of my boys would be intact, even though my husband would have highly opposed it.

Kimberly

1/26/2012 10:46:01 am

I regret circ'ing my first every single day. I have appologized to him for doing it, and although he tells me "it's okay, you didn't know better", it doesn't make it better for me! I have since had 3 more sons, all of which are intact, and I do my very best to inform parents to be about this.

Kasey

1/26/2012 10:46:13 am

I definitely regret it. I had my first 3 sons circ'd and not my 4th. I was so glad when #3 potty trained because, after realizing the error of my ways, it was very difficult for me to look at his penis every diaper change. :(

LaRae link

1/26/2012 10:46:59 am

I desperately wish I have not permanently disfigured my own baby out of complete ignorance on my part. If I could go back and not hurt my baby, my son, my dearest precious gift I would but I can not. But I definitely regret it.

Toni

1/26/2012 10:48:24 am

I am 56 years old, I have 2 boys and a daughter. When my son's were born it was just what you did..blindly asking no questions. My daughter has since learned what effects it has,, I regret this with every cell in my body. When I now think of what they had to endure because of my ignorance, my whole body gets hot and I feel shakey, my stomach aches. I can't get that imagine out of my head. An innocent child just new to the world, I give him over to strangers who said it was the right thing to do..told me there would be no pain..Now I tell anyone and everyone what this is and is not needed! Sorry can not begin to say how I feel..

Patti

1/26/2012 10:50:07 am

I absolutely regret our decision to circumcise our oldest son. I didn't do a lot of research on it at the time (he's 18 now). I listened to what my obstetrician and the pediatrician we had chosen told us and just did it, thinking that the Dr.'s would know best. From the moment they took my son away to do it it was like a little voice inside my head was screaming at me "You promised to protect him. Don't let them do this!" It felt wrong instantly. I regretted it immediately. Then when I was pregnant again and actually did the research and looked into it and learned the facts I only regretted it even more. I told my husband flat out that I would never allow that to happen to another son of ours. I got him to read all the information I printed out for him and he came to the same conclusion... never again for any son of ours. Our oldest son (circ) now has two intact brothers who have never had a single issue; no infection or problem of any kind at all. My oldest now tells me that circ is all he's ever known and he's fine with that but having grown up with his intact brothers he will never circ a child of his own.

brooke

1/26/2012 10:51:17 am

Every part of me regrets what I let happen to my baby boy, there is not a single moment that my heart does not hurt. I changed the man he was supposed to be. I will never ever get over this guilt!

Sandra

1/26/2012 10:52:47 am

I regret that i wanted my son circumcised. THANK GOD he was born w bilateral hernias, so since he would need surgery, theyd do it at the surgery. THANK GOD the hernias went away & no surgery was ever needed & i never scheduled a circumcision. I wonder why my mother, who comes from a family of intact European men, never talked about it. I now have a wonderful intact 12 yr old. I am a proud intactivist.

Melissa

1/26/2012 10:53:12 am

Hugely regret circumcising my first child, knowing what I know now about this horrific practice. My second son is intact. It's been a healing experience. Mamas, it's your instinct and your job to protect your baby above all else. Don't ignore that instinct.

Kim

1/26/2012 10:57:10 am

When my first son was born 15 years ago, I was 21 and signed the circ consent form without question. It's just what people do, right?

It was not until 4 years later, when I was in nursing school, that I began to question my decision. During my labor & delivery rotation, I witnessed circumcision got the first time and was HORRIFIED! I was shocked at what it entailed, and the screams of that baby boy shook me to my core. What shook me more was the thought that I had allowed that to happen to MY baby boy!

By the time I was pregnant with another boy - 10 years after my first - I knew that I would never have another son circumcised. He is WHOLE!

I actually went through a time of grief and mourning for my oldest son. I explained to him the error of my ignorant decision and apologized to him for my mistake.

Audre

1/26/2012 11:11:15 am

I deeply, deeply regret circumcising my son. I was an idiot. I knew nothing about circumcision, and let them do it to him anyway. I spent more time researching which stroller to buy than what they were going to cut off of him, and how. I had no idea how important and functional the foreskin was. And now, because of what I did, he will never know. If I could go back to that moment that I handed him over to be mutilated, I would in a second. I would tell them to get the hell away from us. I wish everyday that there was something I could do to change it. If I could cut off a body part of my own to get his back, I would. Honestly. That is how much I regret it. To live with the knowledge that your first decision as a parent was so horribly wrong is a terrible thing. I wish that every parent considering circ would at the very least research the functions of the foreskin. Your doctor will not tell you. No one ever told me. You have to do it yourself. This is a great link that covers the functions of the foreskin. Please at least read this before you chop it off.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/functions-of-foreskin-purposes-of.html

Audre

1/26/2012 11:24:32 am

I had a second son two years later and left him whole. He has not had a single problem with it. Not one. And it was not any harder to clean. In fact, my circed son was harder to keep clean than my intact (uncircumcised) son. Circed penises are raw, open wounds that get covered in urine and poop everyday. Which is really unhealthy, and not to mention painful! Intact penises need to only be wiped off on the outside. They do NOT need to be retracted (pulled back) to be cleaned. The foreskin is actually fused to the rest of the penis until sometime before adolescence. Doctors and others who tell you that you must retract to clean it are very, very wrong and do a lot of damage to the penis. After it separates on its own, a boy will have no trouble swishing some water over it in the shower. No big deal.

Erin

1/26/2012 11:17:22 am

I regret having my 2 younger boys done (my oldest is not). My husband is not the biological father to my oldest and he was very adiment about having our 2 boys together done. I truly wish I had made him do more research and understand how unnecessary it truly is.

Angela link

1/26/2012 11:40:24 am

Tons of people regret it immensely. My sister-in-law's regret led to my son staying whole - so it's silly to say that most people mustn't regret it. Those who don't are misinformed. Here's her letter to her son, expressing her deep regret:

http://intellipissies.com/2012/01/24/to-my-circumcised-son/

Ashley

1/26/2012 11:43:04 am

I live with the guilt of having my firstborn circumcised on a daily basis. I regret that I didn't educate myself. I regret that I believed all the myths. I know better now and my second son is intact. I wish everyday that I could back my oldest boy what I had taken from him. I speak out as muh as I can to parents about why not to circ. For any of you parents out there dealing with your guilt and needing support, please come to Facebook and join our group. http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/175347165878088/?notif_t=group_activity

Anna link

1/26/2012 11:47:59 am

My DH and I deeply regret circumcising our first born. My husband wishes he wasn't circumcised as well, but sadly he has no choice in how his own body is. It isn't a simple parenting choice like what color your child should wear, how we should cut their hair, daycare vs being a SAHM, breastfeeding or formula feeding- this is so different, it is hacking off a normal, healthy piece of flesh without consent and with really dangerous risk involved. It breaks my heart to think about it. God has given us another son and he is happy, healthy and intact! I am so glad I was given another chance to have a perfect and whole baby boy.

Stephanie link

1/26/2012 11:51:33 am

I regret my first son's circumcision every.single.day. I'm pretty sure I suffer PTSD from trying, in vain, to console him as they strapped him down and cut him... My husband, who insisted on the circ, couldn't even watch- he had to sit down and put his head between his knees. We willingly tortured our infant son. My second son was left intact.

Christine

1/26/2012 12:16:51 pm

To the mothers that regret this: thank you for sharing. It is because of honest women like you that I was able to research this, even though my gut already told me it was wrong, when we found out we were having a boy. We left our son intact, and 2.5 years later he has had not one issue. And I have been able to educate my brother, so that my nephew is intact, and a friend, so that her son is intact. So thank you. Find solace in the fact that your stories and expressions of regret have helped spare at least 3 little boys from mutilation. Thank you.

Rachel

1/26/2012 01:52:57 pm

I was young and naive when I was pregnant with my first, and thought if I didn't have him cut then his penis would be infected all the time and dirty, smelly, you know, the usual comments people throw out there. I had only ever seen men with a circumcised penis, including text books from school. Leaving him intact was out of the question. Well as soon as I got him back he was laying there with his eyes open, not really responding, not wanting to breastfeed. The nurse told me it's common for babies to be "sleepy" after having the procedure done (I later learned this is because they are in shock). So I just brushed it off, but with that first diaper change, my heart sank. Seeing his penis raw and bloody scared the hell out of me. I was always told it was no big deal to get circumcised, just a little snip. No, this was far from that. I am so thankful that his healing went well, and we never had to deal with any complications post-op, but I just knew in my heart it was wrong. When I was pregnant with my second son, and third child, I started researching immediately on the pros and cons of circumcision. I already knew it would NOT ever happen to another son of mine, but I knew I had to convince my husband. I'm not going to lie, he was upset with me for months that I didn't want it done. I showed him all the cons of circumcision, and he admitted he would want it done for cosmetic reason. I had family tell me that he would have self-esteem issues since he would not match his brother and father. Nothing was going to change my mind though. I was in the hospital for less then two days, and I was asked six times when I wanted to circumcise him. When I told the pediatrician I was not having it done she said "Oh good! I'm from Canada and never dealt with this until I moved here." Finally someone who agreed with me! I was able to bring my whole son home :) My husband after realizing how easy the care is, and that our son does not have some horribly ugly penis just because it's not cut, actually agrees with me that it was the best decision to make for him! He said it should be his choice whether or not to have his body modified, and that there is no reason he can't have it done later in life. He, like myself, regrets having our older son done. I can't believe I put my new helpless baby, who was completely dependent on me, through that. My husband (and me) feel bad that we took his choice away from him. My older son has never asked why his little brother looks different from him. If he ever does ask I will bring it up delicately, and let him know that we thought we were making the best choice for him, but when his younger brother was born we knew better.

Brittany link

1/26/2012 03:48:56 pm

I regret cutting my son.

I regret it because my instinct screamed at me when he went back to have it done and not even 24 hours old. It said NO! It told me to get out of bed and run after him. I didn't.

I regret it every time I think about how they strapped my baby's arms and legs down and cut his body without his consent for no reason at all.

I regret that I have no idea whether or not he had pain medication.

I regret it every time I think about a bloody diaper change.

I regret it every time I remember how much it hurt my tiny child birthing skin stretches when I urinated... and my son had an open gaping would that was peed/pooped on 24/7.

I regret it because he is almost 5 years old and he has such bad adhesions that his skin still bleeds when he gets an erection.

I regret it because I removed a functioning part of my baby, who was born perfect, against his consent because I was too ignorant to make a second thought.

Heather

1/26/2012 09:54:52 pm

My MIL deeply regretted having my husband circumcised. She really did not think about it at the time, but learned more about it later from Dr. Dean Edell and apologized to my husband and told him she wished she had known to say no. We have 3 intact sons who have had no issues, and I feel that her apology to my husband really enabled him to be OK with the decision to leave our sons intact. To those of you who regret circumcision, I think that being open and honest about circumcision with your sons could likely protect your future grandsons.

Candice link

1/28/2012 12:22:24 am

I deeply, deeply regret circumcising my 1st son every, single day. If only I had known..

Reading through these comments now has me crying. My son is 9yrs old, I will live with this regret for the rest of my days. I wish I could take it back.

Terri

2/19/2012 04:30:27 am

Regret is the bi-product of hindsight ....
Knowing the facts NOW can't and won't change the regret ... BUT now you have the KNOWLEDGE that you can pass on!!!
Please PASS on the KNOWLEDGE!!!!! Talk about it! Inform anyone that will listen!! Arm them with the information to at least question why they are considering a circumcision!!!

Marie

2/20/2012 11:03:52 pm

I had my son circumcised, like many other people in Islam do. £0 years later and he still suffers. He has suffered physical problems due to not having protection of the foreskin, but the worst is the psychological trauma. He continues to have a bad relationship with me. In his words "I was a kid, I trusted you. You broke that trust when you removed part of my body without my consent". Gosh it's hard writing this. It's so upsetting to have caused such trauma to my son. His relationships are affected, he doesn't sleep well, and he finds it very difficult to trust women - after all, it was a woman who had this done to him.

He has much closer relationships with men, and I think he is gay. I would still love him if he was (though I would be worried about the hereafter as being gay is against Islam), but knowing that I may have caused this tears my heart out. I would urge any mother or father to think twice about this. I've found out it's not even required in Islam, it's a Jewish practice - and we don't have to do everything the prophet muhammad (pbuh) does; if we did then according to sahih bukhari volume 7 book 62 number 64, we would be marrying children. If your son wants to get circumcised, he can do it when he's older - then any pain involved is down to him, not you, it's his choice.

Gen

4/4/2012 09:22:30 am

I wholeheartedly regret it. We thought we researched it well but didn't realize the info we got was incredibly biased infavor of circ. Our boy got adhesions rightnaway and the doc ripped fhe skin back! I was horrified, and you know what? It adheared right away again, despite all the cleaning of it we did constantly. We took him to a different doc and she said she sees adhesions all the time. If we had known problems were so common we would not have done it, since it was problems we were trying to avoid in the first place by circ'ing.

Our son is almost two and a half and he still gets infections, irritation, and pain- not to mention itis still mostly adheared! It's been a nightmare. I would give anything to take back this decision. The best I can do is NEVER do it again to any sons we may have in the future. But I don't know if I can ever forgive myself :(

Kristen

7/2/2013 05:48:10 am

My two nephews were circumcised. My husband was circumcised. I just thought it was the normal thing to do. I asked my sister how she handled it she said, "I left it up to my husand" and then I did the same thing. Since he was cir'ced, he decided our son should be as well. No one told me about the risks of the surgery. No one told me how the procedure was done. I was ignorant and didn't research it even though I was well versed on breastfeeding, complications of induction and numerous other topics.

Why didn't I think to understand a surgery?!?! Why did I think it was normal??!?

When he came back and had his little penis all red I knew I had made the wrong decision. I had no idea what was involved but I knew a newborn penis wasn't supposed to look like THAT.

For months afterward he had adhesion issues, which again, no one had warned me about. The doctor pulled back his adhesion without any numbing and he screamed. SCREAMED. It was horrible.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I had major anxiety about having another boy and having to put him through it again. Thank God I had a girl and it wasn't an issue.

My son is now 4 and it wasn't until recently that I knew the full extent of my mistake. Why I ever let them take a functioning, important part of my son is beyond me. I hope to God someday that he will forgive me for what I have done and that if he has a son someday, he will not make the same mistake. I will do my best to pass along my knowledge, but I am still a wreck everytime I think of what I did. :(

Addie French link

11/24/2020 12:51:51 am

You're the best

Regret

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