Parents of intact sons

11/29/2011

Why, as a parent, did you decide to keep your son(s) intact? Please leave feed back for others in the comment section...

13 Comments

rachel

11/29/2011 10:23:08 pm

I was not sure about this when I was pregnant. Every man I have been with was cut. I might have considered it if my husband had though it was a good idea, but luckily he questioned it too, and so we did a whole lot of research and came to the logical conclusion that it is not okay to strap down a helpless child and cut apart his penis. In any other context, it would be a chargeable offense. But because a "doctor" is doing it and "caring parents" believe it is acceptable, the practice continues. Circumcision of minors is disgusting and abusive. It has no place in a civilized and caring society. I am totally fine with adults modifying their own bodies when they are old enough to decide for themselves if they want this. My daughter is 8, my son is 5, both are intact and neither have had any "issues". After finally getting used to the look of a normal intact penis my son has, it seems all the more horrible to me that this abuse continues, and I am becoming sad that my own/my husbands sex-life has been impacted permanently by this ignorance. My husband's father recently apologized for cutting him, saying that they just didn't question it back forty years ago. I think we all haev a resposibility as parents to make informed choices, which doesnt usually seem the case when people choose to cut they do it for very weird reasons, like "I think its just gross" or "its too hard to clean" . We've never done anyhting special to clean either our daughters or sons genitals, they just take regular baths. I've become very angry and "an extremist activist " as one friend recently called me for speaking up about this. to me, what seems extreme is to condone as a society cutting apart another non-consenting humans private parts.

Erica

11/29/2011 10:56:17 pm

My husband and I never really though about circumcision before becoming pregnant. I had seen and been with intact men before but never gave it much thought. Before we even knew we had a boy I knew I couldn't let anyone hurt him like that no matter what benefits it was purported to have. My husband has some of the side effects of a too tight circ(hair on the shaft, slight curvature, etc) and has always been very self conscious about it. We just agreed that we never wanted our son to experience the pain of the cut and the embarrassment of the after effects. Since giving birth and holding my son and just can't imagine why anyone would allow this to be done to a child.

Ann Daniel link

11/29/2011 11:01:39 pm

It's his body and should be his choice as to whether or not his genitals are modified beyond their natural state. Plus, I couldn't imagine putting my sweet boy through that kind of pain right for no reason. I still can't.

Janet Tilden link

11/30/2011 12:11:10 am

When I was pregnant with our first child in 1987, we had a certified nurse-midwife from England. She asked if we were thinking about circumcising our baby if it was a boy, and we hadn't made a decision. She said, "Don't do it! It's barbaric! Boys in England aren't circumcised, and they're fine." Then later we got information on circumcision in our Bradley prepared childbirth class, and we talked about the human rights and ethical angles of circumcision. We saw no reason to do it and plenty of reasons NOT to, so our son remained intact. Our second son also is intact. He came into the family by adoption and his birthmother left him whole, for which I am grateful. Both our sons are happy to have everything they were born with.

Shawna link

11/30/2011 12:22:39 am

If I had a son years ago back when I lived in my little town in NY where every guy I knew was circ'ed, he probably would have been too. I always thought it was 'just what you do'. Then I met my husband who is happily intact and never had any issues. It was also the first time that I was actually able to 'enjoy sex' (TMI I know) but that tid bit is significant. I always thought something was wrong with me. Now I know it is because a circ'ed man lacks that extra 'gliding action' that the foreskin offers. For me, sex with a circ'ed man was painful.. not enjoyable at all. I honestly didn't feel strongly one way or another when he was born other than knowing that I wouldn't be having it done. At the first ped appt. he asked if we were having him circ'ed. I told him 'no', and he said "good, there is no medical reason to have it done." Wow! I had never heard that from a medical professional before! A few months later I met a woman that I was donating my breastmilk too, as I have an oversupply, for her to feed her daughter and she was very strongly against it. I started reading some of the articles she posted on her page, and I was just enraged! How could people do this to babies? Why wasn't the medical community telling the truth? Thus led me to be the intactivist I am today!

Danielle Netherton

11/30/2011 12:38:49 am

Hi,
My husband and I left our son intact because we didn't think it was our choice to make. We knew there weren't any medical reasons for it. We knew the majority of the world was intact and healthy with their whole penises, so why circumcise?
There wasn't a good enough reason. My husband is circumcised and he's "fine" with his penis but he still knows that half of it was taken from him and that it's important sexually and wouldn't EVER want to take that from his son.

Cate Nelson link

11/30/2011 01:13:06 am

When I was pregnant with my first son, I was going to be a single mom. I didn't know the gender of my child. My mom asked my one day if I would circumcise if I were having a boy. I said I didn't know, I hadn't much thought about it. She was very adamantly like, "Cate, don't. There's no reason to cut a baby's body." She pointed out my two young nephews were intact, too. (I hadn't known; it hadn't been a big deal.) So my son was born peacefully into this world and left whole.
When I was pregnant with my second, my ex and I accidentally found out the gender. (We were having a lot of tests done, like a fetal MRI, and I asked that they send all medical records to my home so I could read through them.) I knew that the intact penis was the normal, healthy penis, and there was no reason to cut my younger son. He, however, felt differently. It made me ill. We fought nonstop for about a month. I tried everything, including research on the supposed benefits and also videos. It didn't work. Finally, a few things happened in my favor. He found out that his best friend for life was intact, so any locker room argument went out the window. He also found out that his own nephew had a botched circumcision, and that his brother wasn't sure if he'd make the same choice again. (Really? You'd still MAYBE do it?) But my ex wasn't ready to budge. I knew that it wasn't something I could handle stressing over while in labor, so I pulled crazy mama bear. I told him, "If I have to worry that my son will be cut right after being born, I won't allow you to be at the birth."
Both sons are healthy and whole. For me, the main thing was, "It's not my body. It shouldn't be my choice." Boys deserve the same human rights we afford girls. I strongly believe that, as both a feminist and a mother.

Sarah

11/30/2011 01:36:05 am

When I was pregnant with my Son I really wanted a Homebirth. The more I read about the topics of delivering a child gently into the World the more I wanted to see what else could be done to keep the experience as gentle as possible.. we researched everything we could on the subject of childbirth and infant care.

Of course Circumcision is one of the main male baby topics. I knew about it but didn't know exactly what it was about really. All it took was a video on youtube of the actual procedure. We both decided No way.
But then over the next few months we researched more deeply because people would say "It's dirty" "more risk of infection" we wanted to make sure we weren't making a bad choice. Once we found out that it's actually CLEANER to leave baby intact and that the risk of UTI was lower for a boy than a girl things started clicking.

After my son was born and left Intact we knew we had done the right thing. Who cares that his penis wasn't the average looking penis!? It was his body and his choice.

I never quite could walk away from the subject though and I went back online to research why people circumcise, where did it start? how does it affect adults? Why the issue with the intact penis? What I uncovered blew my mind. I can honestly say I will never look at a circumcised penis the same way again. I now know what a penis SHOULD look like and I know now the damage adult men suffer because of having it done.

Now when people try to question our decision to let our son make the choice as an adult I direct them to the resources they need to see the Truth.

Najiwench

11/30/2011 05:01:07 am

When I was pregnant with my oldest (now a 15 year old), I never considered circumcision a decision to make. If she was a boy, she would have been circumcised, it's how it was in my family, it's what everyone did, and when I asked my husband (who is intact) he shrugged and said it was up to me, but he figured we should do it.

She was a girl, and my two later children were girls, but with my third, I was online more, learning more, and reading more. By the time she was born I was firmly on the fence with the whole circumcision thing.

When I found out I was pregnant with number 4, I was convinced that it was another girl, until that ultrasound...when I saw him on that screen, legs spread so we could see his package (we couldn't get a profile shot to show friends and relatives, but we got a great gender view), it struck me that I would actually have to face this.

I looked at my husband. At the time he was 32 years old, he had experienced kidney stones and kidney infections but never once had a doctor suggested circumcision, he was not dirty, he was not smelly. He was just a man, whole and natural.

Then I recalled the things I had read and I did more reading. The more I read, the more I realized that there really is NO reason to perform this surgery on an infant. If, for some reason, the foreskin has to be removed, it's much safer and less traumatic once the child is older...and really, the odds of it needing to be done are extremely low.

I had made up my mind. When my son was born, and I went to visit family, my sister changed his diaper. She had never even seen an intact penis, and her son had been circumcised. She said "so, how do I clean it?" afraid that it would require retracting the skin and messing with it. When I showed her, just wipe it, and that's all, she was astonished. She had been lead to believe that caring for an intact boy was sooo much work, and you had to keep it clean and keep pulling it back and all that, and when I showed her she said that if she had known that, she might not have had her son circumcised. She said caring for his cut penis right after the surgery was awful and he cried and wouldn't nurse and was just cranky. She was afraid of infections and bleeding and all that, and my son was just fine, with no extra care. His diapers were easier to clean than my daughters!

Now my son is 4 and has given me no indication whatsoever that I made the wrong choice. If he grows up to wish that he didn't have foreskin, he will have the ability to decide for himself whether or not to have it removed and I can let him know that I respected him enough to let him be able to make that decision.

Amber

11/30/2011 02:54:27 pm

Well I'm originally from Ohio but I married a military man and moved to el paso, Texas. We were already pretty far into our first pregnancy when we moved here, shortly after at 32 weeks she was born. It was crazy and hectic and scary even tho she did AMAZINGLY well. I had pre eclampsia and knew that when I decided to have another I would be at risk for the same thing happening. 5 days after her first birthday I fell pregnant unexpectedly. We were shocked and I was not ready but I knew we could do this, it'd just be hard. At 19 weeks I found out my baby girl would be having a baby brother! We were excited! Circumcision was honestly something I NEVER even thought about. I personally don't know any man that is intact so it's just assumed to be done in Ohio. My husband was circ'd, my brother, my dad, my FIL...every male I knew. Well at 35 weeks my pre eclampsia had gotten to a point where it was too dangerous to keep going with my pregnancy, so we were off to deliver our little boy! He was born with under developed lungs and rushed to the NICU where he was intubated and given steroids. It was exciting, scary, sad...I was all over the place. I wasn't allowed to see him for 24 hours following his birth due to the magnesium I had to be on for pre e. when I finally got to see him, finally got to see that he was okay...he was breathing on his own, he nursed with no problems...he was PERFECT!! I knew I couldn't get him circ'd it was just convincing my hubby the same. About 3 weeks after he was born he had his first drs appt and I DID ask about circ. but was told if we wanted it done it would have to wait until he was older and he would be put under general antisthesia, a blessing in disguise. During the next couple weeks I was trying to figure out how to convince my husband when a friend showed me a video of the procedure, I was HORRIFIED when I saw it. So I researched for 2 days straight...every question I could imagine my husband asking and then I told him there's NO way I'm letting this happen, if our son HATES that I left the decision up to him...well blame me, I don't care. It's not my penis to decide for...and it's not yours(husbands) either! And he said "okay that's fine" I totally expected an argument but he did ask questions later on. I showed him and with showing him he discovered that "wow our intercourse problems stem from me being circ'd" yeah...amazing huh? So he told me he would try restoring but so far he hasn't done much. I really hope he does soon so that MAYBE for once in my life I can actually enjoy sex, not be in a tremendous amount of pain afterwards!
Parents...if your on the fence, just DON'T decide. Don't do anything! It can always be done later but it can NEVER EVER be undone!!!!

Robinette Powell link

6/25/2012 06:24:26 pm

Nice blog, just wanted to say I found you through Google

James link

7/18/2012 06:12:15 pm

I was circed against my will at 15 and there was no way I was going to allow my sons to be circed. I am proud to say that I am the father of two Intact Sons.

Loveunderlaw link

11/3/2013 11:32:40 pm

WOW! These parents are THINKERS & HEROS too ! Glad to see there are still some people out there that refused to drink the Abrahamic "Kool Aid" the peddlers of evil have been pushing against innocent children...

Parents of intact sons

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